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D.I.V.O.R.C.E - Yellowfish | |
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Sorry and goodbye are the hardest words to say when any relationship breaks down. However, unfortunately I must report that my army and I are to go our separate ways. Yes, that’s right, I am selling the army that I at one point had truly come to love, and then grew apathetic towards, and now want to drop like a hot breezeblock.
BUT WHY? You looked so good together! Ok, imagine you have a girlfriend 1. For the first few months you find her to be the most amazing woman in the world. Gorgeous to look at, fantastic in bed, great cook, loves you for what you are etc etc. Got that? Now imagine one fateful night when it all goes horribly wrong. One event that triggers her to betray you. You find yourself dodging crockery while desperately trying to fight your way to the front lawn where all your clothes have been dumped. What has caused this sudden change in events? a) “That time of the month?” b) “No darling, your fat arse makes you look fat, not the dress…..” c) “Darling, I’m sorry to say that 4th edition 40k really doesn’t suit you the way you are and I’m kinda getting bored of you anyway.” d) “I swear to god I have never slept with any other woman/man/miniature/sheep in my life!” For the retarded, it’s C. Six things I hate about emperors Children The new rules overhauls and my general lack of skill and luck have severely affected the way my Emperors Children army plays in several ways. This is not intended as a bitch about 4th edition (Footnote: Ok, it really is but at least it’s a constructive rant) but a warning to other players out there whom are considering doing a similar style of army to me: 1. The new transport rules have ensured that any mechanised Slaanesh armies are extremely limited in what they can achieve in terms of direct assault. Remember that the squad is disembarking on any penetrating hit and is effectivly pinned while doing so. This in addition to a vehicle destroyed result when moving at full speed results in a 75% chance of wounding your small squads of marines. This is not good folks. There are ways around it. Infiltration I can see the tactical benefits of but refuse to use on principle. These guys are a walking Pink Floyd concert for gods sake! How can they sneak up on anything? There are bikers. These make really sweet general utility units especially when equipped with sonic blasters and are virtually mandatory to pull off the now legendary daemon bomb. However they come in very expensive and in an army where one can already be expected to be outnumbered you may not have room. Mounted daemonettes? 2 Now these I can see being really useful under 4th edition rules. A truly amazing charge range combines with extra attacks and rending claws to make what is essentially what is essentially death with nice boobs. I would recommend them over standard daemonettes anytime. 2. The fearless rules are now something to be avoided at all costs. If you are seeking slaanesh’s blessing you will take squads of six. If you happen to lose combat and are outnumbered you take additional wounds. Anybody see a problem with this? I do. Before 4th ed came along I could tie up a horde of guardsmen or nids with six marines and expect them to last confident that the squad will not break or die that easily due to their fearlessness and the enemy needing to roll well to wound them. Those days are gone and that means that one now has to either advance expensive, inflexible squads of 12 into enemy fire and combat to have any hope of lasting the fight or go daemon bomb. 3. Over the months I have discovered that the Emperors children resemble an egg wielding a sledgehammer. The individual units are very powerful at their specialist field. Be it shooting (sonic weaponry still rules!) or close combat (warp scream and daemonettes are great, EC chaos lords are by far the most deadly combat characters I have ever had the pleasure of taking to battle) but due to their small squad sizes, expensive models and vulnerability to anti power armour firepower (all too abundant in this day and age) they are really fragile. And that fragility is becoming all too easy to exploit under this current rules system especially with the new targeting rules removing screening units. 4. Daemonettes are bitches! No sooner have I put the wenches together (see my previous article as to how I got on, or rather didn’t) tan the joints (and for once I don’t mean drugs) are constantly breaking on the arms and generally being a pain. I am sure superior modellers than I will scoff at these problems I’ve been having. But to me, such fragile models are liabilities in the rough handling my models take on the table and in my case. 5. The EC are jack-of-all-trades and masters of jack all. In the GW fairyland where everybody plays a balanced army list this would be great as one would simply be able to “shoot the choppy stuff, and chop up the shooty stuff”. However where this falls down is when somebody brings to the table an extremist niche army that specialises in either firepower or assaults. The EC that have gone for balance (or any other balanced small elite army for that matter) simply do not have the numbers or the tools to deal with it. 6. They are a power armoured list. Now most people will scratch their heads 3 until one realises that they can get rather boring after a while. I regularly face marine armies and the experience can get a bit monotonous. I want a challenge. And the only way I am going to do that is if I play something completely the opposite of what I am used to. Thus at this point either the nids or an eldar army appeals right now. I really am beginning to sound like a bad-vibe merchant now aren’t I? Happy Memories and ways things could have got better Well I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed this army and writing these articles for you while they lasted. If you want articles detailing how I get on with my new army I will be more than happy to give them to you. I must apologise sincerely for the amount of time it took to write this article. I never have realised just how much people appreciated these articles until recently and I thank you, my loyal fan 4 for keeping up with these articles. I hope you enjoy the final apocalyptic battle between our mighty leader Dysartes and our not so mighty but somewhat disturbed and oppressed underling, Shas’O Sodit. 1, Yes, it is possible, even if only in your imagination! 2, Must…resist…..topless girl riding something gags... 3, Not out of hard thought, but fleas or dandruff 4, I say fan due to the fact that you are actually the only one that reads this garbage! | |
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